Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Sometimes...
... you just have to be yourself, even if that means your grandmother can't look you in the eyes anymore. Be proud of yourself, when you didn't do your best. Pretend you had an orgasm to feed someones ego. Bite your tongue, when you boss is talking to you about how important it is that you work on Christmas. Say I love you, when you both know you don't mean it. Rage quit a job, even though you have absolutely no money. Apologize, when you think you did nothing wrong. Say a static that you made up on the spot to prove a point. Lie to you boyfriend, about loving trash t.v..
And sometimes you have to tell yourself that you have got it all figured out. Even though you have no clue what is coming next or where your life is headed.
Rule of thumb. If you believe it, they will too.
And sometimes you have to tell yourself that you have got it all figured out. Even though you have no clue what is coming next or where your life is headed.
Rule of thumb. If you believe it, they will too.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Communication Is Key.
What sounds crazier... Telling someone rationally in a calm voice the things that are bothering you. Keeping clear, calm and collected thoughts and points, making it perfectly clear what you upset about. All the while seeing it in whomsoever eyes that have no fucking clue why you would be upset about such things. Or ...should you wait, let the anger out in one large spout of a emotional blowhole, where things you start talking about have been already long forgotten and the anger comes out of every orifice of your body that could have held it. Leaving you to clean up the emotional wreckage of what you can't fully explain at this point because you waited to long. You couldn't come up the courage at the time to say anything about what was bothering you at the time. And now it's that day, they didn't make the bed when you asked them to. It's a bed, but is it? Or are messy, discombobulated bed sheets the metaphor that has become your relationship? Comfortable and familiar, however disorderly and never put together.
I am going on assumption here when I say that the large majority of you might have said that the calm collected version of communication is were things are sure to succeed. However have you ever looked at someone and in a very serious and collected manner said " I hate the way you do _____." or how about, " Babe I don't think we have enough sex." and " Angel I want to throw you x-box out of the window."
No, when these subjects are brought up you are angry, hurt and at the point of a total meltdown. But I bet you have said " I fucking hate you and everything you do." and " Why don't go watch more porn, you asshole." And I bet you might have at one point actually thrown a x box out of a damn window.
Not speaking of my personal proudest moments, but I can honestly say that I have always felt more uncomfortable and "psycho" addressing the problem calming. I feel naggy and annoying. I hear myself saying things like, " you hurt my feelings" or "can't you just do this for me." And to be honest it makes me feel insecure and stupid. But when I am raging there is no second guessing myself, when I get to the point on dragging you computer into the street and backing my car over it. I feel a strange sense of justice and security that can't be broken down. There are severe consequences however for those who enjoy a good rage quit every now and again. Honesty is the key, but it is up to how you choose to get your point across. Either way the truth shall set you free...or put you in small claims court. But let them know what going on in that dome of yours or you are sure to lose out on one thing or the other.
I am going on assumption here when I say that the large majority of you might have said that the calm collected version of communication is were things are sure to succeed. However have you ever looked at someone and in a very serious and collected manner said " I hate the way you do _____." or how about, " Babe I don't think we have enough sex." and " Angel I want to throw you x-box out of the window."
No, when these subjects are brought up you are angry, hurt and at the point of a total meltdown. But I bet you have said " I fucking hate you and everything you do." and " Why don't go watch more porn, you asshole." And I bet you might have at one point actually thrown a x box out of a damn window.
Not speaking of my personal proudest moments, but I can honestly say that I have always felt more uncomfortable and "psycho" addressing the problem calming. I feel naggy and annoying. I hear myself saying things like, " you hurt my feelings" or "can't you just do this for me." And to be honest it makes me feel insecure and stupid. But when I am raging there is no second guessing myself, when I get to the point on dragging you computer into the street and backing my car over it. I feel a strange sense of justice and security that can't be broken down. There are severe consequences however for those who enjoy a good rage quit every now and again. Honesty is the key, but it is up to how you choose to get your point across. Either way the truth shall set you free...or put you in small claims court. But let them know what going on in that dome of yours or you are sure to lose out on one thing or the other.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Version One vs. Version Two.
I've been having trouble writing lately. I've also been a jealous wreck lately. These two things go hand in hand I am sure. I believed jealously is for those of the weaker mind. I've been weak in the past and have promised myself that was the last time I would become captive underneath jealousy's tyranny. But today a mentor of mine showed me how to except this feeling, without living underneath it. Jealousy is a gift. It shows you what you want, and how much you can actually yearn for it. I have been jealous of everything lately. People's jobs, families, financial situations, pets...you name it, I want it. I was jealous in my relationship with things that would usually never bother me. Then anger came. I wanted to be bigger then my jealously. Then today I finally understood why a small piece of myself was broken. I have been looking at this the wrong way, jealousy can be a burden, or a driving force. I can't just make this envy go away. I want the good things. I want it all. I want my cake. And I am going to eat it all too.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
It Takes A Thief To Know One.
The hardest part of a relationship isn't you and the other person involved. It's the other people. Traditionally a relationship consists of two people, these two people who have decided for whatever reasons to come in a committed monogamous "situation". But for some reason other people don't appreciate you and your partners happiness. I'm a cynic. I hate watching happy couples post about each other on Facebook or seeing couple shots lining that entry hall of their shitty apartment. I get it, overly happy people are obnoxious and must die.
However what about the normal people. You know "us". The people who hate their jobs, and usually their families. The ones who just want to come home and watch a Netflix documentary while working on what gives their lives the little bit of sparkle like writing, painting, fucking or reading. Then just being able to be next to someone who makes the world and the people in a little bit more tolerable until the next day when it all begins again.
These are the people that suffer. We are the people that suffer. No one ever fucks with stupid happy couples. It's either out of shear in intimidation or laziness (you know that it would take maximum effort infiltrate those forces). What is it though? I can not help but wonder. Why steal someone else's silver lining?
It's the guy who is trying his best to be a good man, hard worker and a supportive partner that gets beat out by the new douche bag trainer at the gym. Or it's the girl who is trying to find time for everything, look decent and maintain a fun personality that gets over passed by the girl who can't figure anything out, but has the manipulation factor that sends other signals.
There must be a chemical that is released through our skin when we are happy. It must radiate to such a level that people want to harvest this feeling from the very body from which it is seeping from. And like all good things that are "off the market", people will go to great lengths to obtain thee unobtainable. We will plunder and steal. Ambush when people least expect it. And leave nothing but ashes when we are done. It's a sad truth that many people have faced before and will face again. But a word to my fellow normal couple's who don't insist on trying to prove how lucky you are to have each other via the internet or through sickening displays of P.D.A.. You are lucky to have found one another, don't take it for granted. Don't lose yourselves in each other, be individuals that better one another and support each other, that is worth a million stupid kissing on the pier pictures. And if someone wants to come in on your situation, let them. If your doing your job right, you shouldn't be worried. Let them come in and test the waters, maybe stir somethings up. And in the midst someone from this happy party walks away, don't fight. Not for that. It's one thing to lose someone and it's another for them to be taken from you. Unfortunately for the majority of us we know when something is being stolen from us, because we ourselves have taken from other people. It takes one to know one.
There is a small chance though that you won't have anything or any one taken from you either from now on or ever again. Hold on to this idea normal people, it helps. It's never to late to be a better person.
However what about the normal people. You know "us". The people who hate their jobs, and usually their families. The ones who just want to come home and watch a Netflix documentary while working on what gives their lives the little bit of sparkle like writing, painting, fucking or reading. Then just being able to be next to someone who makes the world and the people in a little bit more tolerable until the next day when it all begins again.
These are the people that suffer. We are the people that suffer. No one ever fucks with stupid happy couples. It's either out of shear in intimidation or laziness (you know that it would take maximum effort infiltrate those forces). What is it though? I can not help but wonder. Why steal someone else's silver lining?
It's the guy who is trying his best to be a good man, hard worker and a supportive partner that gets beat out by the new douche bag trainer at the gym. Or it's the girl who is trying to find time for everything, look decent and maintain a fun personality that gets over passed by the girl who can't figure anything out, but has the manipulation factor that sends other signals.
There must be a chemical that is released through our skin when we are happy. It must radiate to such a level that people want to harvest this feeling from the very body from which it is seeping from. And like all good things that are "off the market", people will go to great lengths to obtain thee unobtainable. We will plunder and steal. Ambush when people least expect it. And leave nothing but ashes when we are done. It's a sad truth that many people have faced before and will face again. But a word to my fellow normal couple's who don't insist on trying to prove how lucky you are to have each other via the internet or through sickening displays of P.D.A.. You are lucky to have found one another, don't take it for granted. Don't lose yourselves in each other, be individuals that better one another and support each other, that is worth a million stupid kissing on the pier pictures. And if someone wants to come in on your situation, let them. If your doing your job right, you shouldn't be worried. Let them come in and test the waters, maybe stir somethings up. And in the midst someone from this happy party walks away, don't fight. Not for that. It's one thing to lose someone and it's another for them to be taken from you. Unfortunately for the majority of us we know when something is being stolen from us, because we ourselves have taken from other people. It takes one to know one.
There is a small chance though that you won't have anything or any one taken from you either from now on or ever again. Hold on to this idea normal people, it helps. It's never to late to be a better person.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
530 April St. Sparks, NV 12345
"You'll never do better." She thought as she stood at the sink washing the dishes with a calm circular motion rinsing the grease off of the pans from this mornings breakfast. The breakfast she had made for him, was his favorite. Eggs with bacon.
It was Saturday morning, but this meant no difference to her husband, he was up with the sun, getting dressed and making use of himself. He ate her breakfast, kissed her on the cheek patted her butt with a affectionate hand. He was a man of average build and was handsome. Charming to a fault.
She was a pretty women, people would agree. She had a certain edge about her, witty and observant. However she was kind to most, regardless of the end rells of what she wanted to say that played endlessly inside her head.
They complemented each other nicely, they were happy. For the most part. From 10:00 p.m when they went to bed, till 9:30 a.m. when he was finished with the breakfast she had made him, he was her husband. Hers alone. Their conversations where vibrant and compelling. The sex was still good. And he still made her smile when he kissed her and left for the day. But when he walked out the door, he wasn't hers anymore. She knew it, he knew. Was that why everything had stayed to pleasant for all this time?
Most women would have been outraged with what she knew. Most women would leave. But she couldn't find a real reason to. He provided for her, loved her, and came home to her every night.
For it wasn't out of fear of being alone or with out. She was a smart women, she would make it. But she couldn't bare the thought of leaving him with nothing. He would never find another women like her again.
It was Saturday morning, but this meant no difference to her husband, he was up with the sun, getting dressed and making use of himself. He ate her breakfast, kissed her on the cheek patted her butt with a affectionate hand. He was a man of average build and was handsome. Charming to a fault.
She was a pretty women, people would agree. She had a certain edge about her, witty and observant. However she was kind to most, regardless of the end rells of what she wanted to say that played endlessly inside her head.
They complemented each other nicely, they were happy. For the most part. From 10:00 p.m when they went to bed, till 9:30 a.m. when he was finished with the breakfast she had made him, he was her husband. Hers alone. Their conversations where vibrant and compelling. The sex was still good. And he still made her smile when he kissed her and left for the day. But when he walked out the door, he wasn't hers anymore. She knew it, he knew. Was that why everything had stayed to pleasant for all this time?
Most women would have been outraged with what she knew. Most women would leave. But she couldn't find a real reason to. He provided for her, loved her, and came home to her every night.
For it wasn't out of fear of being alone or with out. She was a smart women, she would make it. But she couldn't bare the thought of leaving him with nothing. He would never find another women like her again.
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