"I AM A LADY".

Today I woke up wearing nothing but thigh high stockings and a smile. The perfect start to a day if  you were to ask me. As soon as I finally convinced myself to get out of the warmth of my bed, I made my way over to the bathroom. I looked and the mirror saw my hair a mess, the faint traces of make-up from the night before and the bands of the stocking pinching just lightly slightly above my knee. And I have to be honest, I felt like a sex kitten.
        That little moment made me realize for some reason that I haven't seen a real pretty woman in a long time. Don't get me wrong I am not saying waking up looking like a call girl is the end all on being a lady, but the idea of waking up in stocking and still having perfume on from the night before is sexy to me. It's being a lady. I look around me and it is more then apparent that some women give two shits about what they look like. Have you ever been to the DMV and seen women in there looking like death warmed over? I have. And the only thing I would like to tell women like that is stop this madness. i look at some women who have gone out the night before and for some reason sticking a bun on top of your head and not washing your make up off is a suitable way of showing up to work. I think not, I wouldn't go to the mail box looking like that, let alone my place of work. The more time I spend on social networking sites the more time I spend reading what assholes men are and seeing pictures of girl on toilets (not an exaggeration).
       If you want to be treated like a lady, then I suggest you act like one. For instance lets try not being wheeled out of the casinos, puking in every bar bathroom we go into, and if we have breasts bigger then DD lets try not wearing a strapless dress. All lite suggestions. If you want your boyfriend to make you feel beautiful, why don't you get your ass out of his sweatpants, put something sexy on, stop bitching about your weight and give him a massage. It's pretty simple. And if you want a life partner in general keep it together ladies. Everyone of us has something to offer from beauty to intelligence to creativity. But it is hard to see that, when you think that yoga pants and Ugg boots qualify as a entire seasons outfit choices.
     Talking to a friend of mine that I admire as the true lady she is, says she can spot a real lady by her toes. If everything else in her appearance is pristine, but when you look down through her peep toe wedges and see the clipped and gnarled truth within in them, she deems you a poser. Of a lady that it. Now some of the women who read this are going to be disgruntled, annoyed and even a little hurt. And I have only one thing to say to them, try harder. 

Every Morning.

The idea of working out and maintaining a healthy life style is more of a joke to me at this point. There is almost virtually no way of making a completely sincere life change. I recently lost a bit of weight. And by a bit I mean a small toddler, was I ever obese... no.... was I the thicker girl with the personality to make her attractive enough to still hit on...yes. Now with that being said I have began to maintain this new life style between a series of a very well balanced diet and exercise five days a week. But the part that truly humors me...is I do it all out of spite. There is not a single part of me ever, that wakes up in the morning craving a egg white spinach omelet. Will I eat it? Yes. Enjoy it? Well its food. At this point I find the way people looking at me demonstrating self control more satisfying. The way your friends and family blink once or even two times to make sure they are seeing you correctly. And men... oh men. That is something a cheeseburger can never satisfy. I know when I grow older I will be grateful for maintaining a healthy lifestyle, my body will thank me in ways that will become far less shallow, but for now its about clothes and sex. I want to be put up against a wall in a size 4 dress. And with that being said I'm going to finish my omelet and black coffee and cry my way through a 3 mile run.

Diet Coke

There is almost nothing better then an ice cold Coca-Cola. I try and imagine a world where I enjoy anything as much as I enjoy drinking a fountain Coke on ice. It's hard for me though. I have been finding in efforts to keep my ass at a decent size that diet Coke is a reasonable alternative for a soda lover , but there is still that "something" missing. However, diet Coke I don't want you to blame yourself. It is inevitability in my head, always has been. I can settle for nothing but the best.

This puts a damper on most of my relationships, life choices and material positions, not just my beverage choices. I can not help but taste the clear difference in quality as I compare things to the way they once were or could be. There are the rare occasions that I am enjoying the crisp and refreshing sensation of moments, but they are only to be meet to with the overwhelming urge to hoard because the experience could be taken away at any moment and the realization that these feelings come few and far between sets in. Shitty for lack of a more compelling or articulate way of portraying feelings. However I have a secret, sometimes, just sometimes...I truly enjoy a diet coke. For exactly what it is. A void filler. Fuck me right.

Boot Camp for the Mind

Started with a wonderful morning. Nothing says potential relationship like " Alright go ahead and let me take you body fat measurement and the hop up on the scale." As the number on the scale rose, I could feel the chances with the gorgeous personal trainer descending more and more rapidly. Say that I was in amazing shape, still nothing says confidence like a Beach Body Boot Camp right? False. Boot camp as it turns out is just letting the rest of the world become aware of the fact that you need to be better. Better at everything, physically and socially. So hence forth boot camp for the mind is when you have to decide to not only become better physically but also mentally. You must set your mind forth on the journey of being in "good-shape", so to speak. You need to be able to "trim the fat" and "tone muscle". For example, stop sleeping with you ex-boyfriend who cheated on you. Its like waking up in the middle of the night and eating half the chocolate your roommate made for her Mom's birthday. Stop being that asshole. Now obviously the number on the scale has nothing to do with the personal trainer liking you, who knows maybe he likes them a little on the husky side. But it does have to with you liking you, and this is where it turns out the mind boot camp must come before body. Everyone has been through the "misery diet" where you loose all those extra lbs, that you carried around for whatever reason that held them to you. But you loose them in the most hateful way that it feels like the first time you smile since you have been on the diet you instantly gain 5 pounds back. The idea of getting into peak physical shape has turned into the mind opening experince of figuring out why we give a shit in the first place. Its for others, period. "Nothing will get a women into better shape the divorce," this a quote from my father. I have found more truth in this then science. We have a motive, we all have a plan. The human mind is still more fascinating the actions that come from the fore thought. So for the next eight weeks I hope for my own sake that I can get "shredded" and see clear the motives that drive me. For my fellow boot campees the motives seem all to clear.