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I'm not here to inspire doubt, only to provoke thought.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The Missing Year

Was the biggest year of my life. And also the only year since 2010 that I have not written. It's so strange to me that happened. Especially considering the way internet blogs have taken off you would really have thought I might have wanted to jump on that bandwagon. But no, I did nothing and everything at the same time.

In the beginning of 2016, I went to South America. I traveled around Argentina with a girlfriend with a back pack. Considering that I am one of the only people in my family of three generations to leave the US, I feel like I could have really touched on somethings at the time that were going through my mind, but honestly I was chain smoking and drinking a shit ton of Malbec. And it was fucking amazing. Except the backpack. Fuck the back pack. People do that for fun, and fun that is not. You must be really committed to traveling a very specif way to enjoy the back pack. I burned mine when I got home.

I began a new relationship at the end of 2015, with who is now the love of my life and father to my beautiful baby boy. That was pretty crazy. After being in years of serious relationships previously, I never so much as had more then a week scare (you know what I'm talking about) to only at 26 years old getting ready to travel to Spain for a month did we find out six months into dating that we were going to be parents. I knew I had always wanted kids, but to be forced to leave an era behind hit me really hard. We then together with our baby growing in my belly at four months, took the long trip over to Europe to meet his family, and travel about some of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT. Turns out to my dismay, traveling isn't really for pregnant people. Seriously, don't do it. I mean fuck. None the less, it was a great experience traveling together. Even though I knew I loved this man, after traveling over 20 hours and then at the last stretch having to sleep together four months pregnant on the floor of the Las Vegas airport and still happy to be next him. That's when I knew. I knew what the say you should know, when you know? I hope you follow.
Then at my baby shower in front of my friends and family he proposed. And it was the best day of my life. The last time I remember even being close to that happy, was the first time I went to Burning Man. And then times that by a million. 

Then continue the second and third trimesters of pregnancy. And that is a wild ride. So many emotions and physical hurtles. Really for the most part mine was great, but truth be told I'm to fun for pregnancy. Shit is hard and boring and then hard again. I can say with a doubt, I love being a mom. A pregnant lady, not so much. Getting up in the middle of the night, the crying, the shitting and my personal favorite (not) breastfeeding, all in my opinion beats being pregnant. I love my baby. Seriously I fucking love that baby so much, I actually have fantasized about ripping someone head off with my bare hands if they try to hurt him. It is crazy. I know, I know people have always said it, "you don't understand until you have kids" and holy shit is that true. In the best and worst ways.

January 17, 2017 I gave birth a healthy baby boy that was 7lbs 14oz and 21in long. And life changed forever.

There it is, the missing year. Writing this is really just a preface of what is to come now. And no this is not going to turn party girl into mommy/recipe blog. Nope, not my shit. There will be mom stuff to for sure, but still just life stuff. Things that let us know hopefully that we are still connected, even though we are growing and changing, we are still heading somewhat in the same direction. And honestly I'm engaged now and give far fewer shits then I used to. I'm excited.