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I'm not here to inspire doubt, only to provoke thought.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Fuck. This Shit Is Hard.

       I was sitting here 15 minutes ago getting lost in some social media spiral of self doubt, negativity and just plain curiosity. The self doubt part started with thinking about my career and new the jump I am going to be taking soon, which requires a large investment on my part and much like everyone, I hate spending money on shit that isn't like, a fucking blast for me. I am  millennial, what can I say.
Self doubt often can bring on negativity in general and it probably hasn't helped that I haven't brushed my teeth yet, but well, I just didn't want to. I am a mom and the cool part about that is your baby loves the shit out of you anyways.
       Then in odd order, the curiosity struck of how the people I look up to and aspire to be like do it. Like every fucking day, they are just out there taking pictures promoting their business and looking fly as hell! I know, I know  "it's not real" or "it's just life on social media". To be completely honest with all of you though, their hair and makeup and posing is real. I am not super concerned about the emotional state of the people I look up to. I know that sounds like I am a huge asshole. Its just really how I feel.  I just admire them for the energy that they have. People don't give driven people who are running successful businesses enough credit! The amount of out put it takes, to keep up with high demands of maintaining consumers, while keeping your shit together. It is truly an art form.
   
      With that being said, I quickly pulled myself out of the spiral and decided to write and stop being a big pussy. To be productive. To be one of the people I admire. I miss this. I miss the freeing part of it, to be able to convey a few thoughts clearly in the form of words. There are just so many excuses. Some many reasons not to do the work for your business, not to brush your teeth and not to write. But for every reason not to, there are ten more reason to get up off your ass and do it. Sometimes you have to say, "Fuck, this is really hard." Own that, feel that, then let it go. Then finish your third cup of coffee, brush your damn teeth and grab the laptop and write it out or whatever it is that tickles your titties. I am realizing everyday, momentum is everything. Keep pushing, no one really cares how you feel about doing what it is that you do. They just care that it is done.
  For some reason,, that is always motivating to me. We get so caught up in how we feel about what other people are doing, we stop doing ourselves. I am going to now spend the rest of my day, buttoning up my personal hygiene and focusing on my present tasks at hand. Instead of wondering how other people do it, I am just going write a new way.

Have a super bad ass Tuesday.