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I'm not here to inspire doubt, only to provoke thought.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Truth

I'm twenty years old and feel like I'm thirty two. I love blonde hair. I hate mushrooms. I feel like a bad friend fifty percent of the time. I have trouble with empathy. I am vain. I think that I am better then average. I think everyone is average. I never think about the guy that would have loved me forever. I miss the guy that broke my heart. I am jealous.

Ha. The Original-Let's Have an Honestly Fight.
Funny how we dress things up even for those we don't know.
This is the naked version.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Girl's Night Out

Girls night out is typically supposed to be group of women who decide it's time to let loose and I think that phrase implies that they don't do this often, that's obviously open to interpretation, but none the less what I personally get from the statement. However being a woman and experiencing these nights out first hand, think they deserve a more appropriate title such as... "Girls Who Are Bored and Single Looking For Free Drinks and a Regrettable Morning After Night" or maybe "Girls Who Are Over Their Current Relationship and Just Want To See What Else There Is Out There But Can Blame It On The Alcohol Night". These are just a couple of the ideas that pop into my head as I sit on my porch on a Saturday night. I am a single woman in a party town. These nights are exactly what I have described. I'm guilty of it as are we all, but the question of the hour is am I different or are we all lying to ourselves? Are you really happy with the person your with? If you are why do we insist on nights titled "Fuck Off I Want To Get Drunk Without You Around Night". I can not understand this. I am thinking about close friends and people I don't care about a like. I watch from a distance relationships that work and the ones that are obviously situations that stem from habit. There is no shame in those either. We are creatures of our environment, mom and dad, step dad and mom, whatever our circumstance growing up was we have been taught to co-habitat. But the problem in our generation is we are also taught that we are independent beings. Clearly this causes some conflict within ourselves. How does one co habitat independently? And as women this is even a double standard. Go out there and have fun find yourself. But do it without acting like a whore. Simple, I think not. Not that acting like a hooker is not easy avoided, but in efforts to find what your comfortable vs stocked about is tough using mom's rules. Especially having to watch men next to you doing the same thing and not being put on blast for it. Hence forth women are forced to use " girls night" as some sort of temporary experimentation trail and when things get out of hand we run back to our normal lives of over analogizing every word that is said to us by men and masturbating in the morning when he has left for work. Maybe I am alone in this fight of trying to figure out the woman I supposed to be
or maybe just maybe I am amongst women who are struggling to. Using these nights as target practice so to speak.
More and more frequently I am hearing women described as liars. This could very well be true. But who are we all lying to?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Next Move

Stand Up last night was amazing. As a female comic this is not a common saying when describing your night on stage. It comes down to timing and tones. When to to be honest and how to go about saying it. I think people enjoyed last night because people can sense sincerity. We know when someone is lying to us, and we know when someone will let us lie to them. The thing now is what next? Do I continue on my path of part time comedy pursuit working a full time job that makes me want to swallow a knife. Or do I take a chance knowing the hard work that lies before me, knowing that someday the fruit of my labors will come. What is my next move? I am scared, but I'm not quite sure of what. Like taking the trash out at night hearing a strange noise that sends you bolting back into the house slamming the door and locking it behind. By the time you are in the house back against the door, your calling yourself a pussy under your breathe.