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I'm not here to inspire doubt, only to provoke thought.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

"I'm going to need you more then you need me"

The truest words that I have heard in a long time. Who would have thought they would have come out of character Maggie M. in the new movie Love and Other Drugs. It always saddens me when I feel like a screenplay took the easy way out. Note this is not a spoiler alert, but Maggie is sick and struggles with the idea of falling in love, knowing that here sickness is terminal. "I'm going to need you..." is in this case taken quite literally. She will need to be taken care of, however, don't we all?

As those words came out of her cynical, horse mouth it moved me. It did not matter what her character meant by those words, but how they apply to almost every "broken toy" I have ever met. I felt in my core, everything I have been trying to figure out seemed to all come together with this relatively minuet statement. The way I am, how I react to things, the way a small movie quote can quite literally turn my life upside down is exactly summed up to this statement or something very close to this. I need more. I have been viewing this as others short-comings instead of my own. I'm okay with needing people more, I just don't want to have to ask.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Should I Not Be Thankful For

Am I so selfish that in moments when I read another writers work that I can not appreciate it as much if I know them personally. If there is a kudos given out and I am not included in something that I find reasonably apart of, I deem the writing to be a waste. Yes, then I have answered my own question I am that selfish.

On the other hand I find this selfish and self adoring aspect part of myself I somewhat like. Majority would disagree agree with my arrogance and see it simply as being self absorbed. But the thing is this strange sense of a strong place amongst people has brought me to meet some amazing people. I have found myself in places that without my absurd confidence I could have never gained entrance. And every time I have not been acknowledged by those I wish to be, I have a unstoppable force to gain whatever it is I seek from them.

I am glad. Simply I fight for those I love and adore. I have a ridiculously huge ego. It has been hurt, set aside, ignored and cut from its knees once or twice before. But it lives and breaths to this day. Stronger every time it comes back. I have learned through people, circumstances and events that it can be easily taken down to size, but evermore it lives. I like it. It is that voice telling me do better, when I thought the best had been done. My ego prides itself on the people I chose to be around and will defend them when it believes they are the right way to go.

So thank you writers. Thank you parents. Thank you fellow artist. May are egos meet someday and recognize the beauty of our self assurance.