Am I so selfish that in moments when I read another writers work that I can not appreciate it as much if I know them personally. If there is a kudos given out and I am not included in something that I find reasonably apart of, I deem the writing to be a waste. Yes, then I have answered my own question I am that selfish.
On the other hand I find this selfish and self adoring aspect part of myself I somewhat like. Majority would disagree agree with my arrogance and see it simply as being self absorbed. But the thing is this strange sense of a strong place amongst people has brought me to meet some amazing people. I have found myself in places that without my absurd confidence I could have never gained entrance. And every time I have not been acknowledged by those I wish to be, I have a unstoppable force to gain whatever it is I seek from them.
I am glad. Simply I fight for those I love and adore. I have a ridiculously huge ego. It has been hurt, set aside, ignored and cut from its knees once or twice before. But it lives and breaths to this day. Stronger every time it comes back. I have learned through people, circumstances and events that it can be easily taken down to size, but evermore it lives. I like it. It is that voice telling me do better, when I thought the best had been done. My ego prides itself on the people I chose to be around and will defend them when it believes they are the right way to go.
So thank you writers. Thank you parents. Thank you fellow artist. May are egos meet someday and recognize the beauty of our self assurance.