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I'm not here to inspire doubt, only to provoke thought.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Version One vs. Version Two.

I've been having trouble writing lately. I've also been a jealous wreck lately. These two things go hand in hand I am sure. I believed jealously is for those of the weaker mind. I've been weak in the past and have promised myself that was the last time I would become captive underneath jealousy's tyranny. But today a mentor of mine showed me how to except this feeling, without living underneath it. Jealousy is a gift. It shows you what you want, and how much you can actually yearn for it. I have been jealous of everything lately. People's jobs, families, financial situations, name it, I want it. I was jealous in my relationship with things that would usually never bother me. Then anger came. I wanted to be bigger then my jealously. Then today I finally understood why a small piece of myself was broken. I have been looking at this the wrong way, jealousy can be a burden, or a driving force. I can't just make this envy go away. I want the good things. I want it all. I want my cake. And I am going to eat it all too.

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