We have all one. The one you hangout with after yet another failed attempt to make a fresh start. The one that no matter what will answer your desperate call at 3 o'clock in the morning. The one who is single handedly capable of making you question whether or not you are happy with your current partner. They help you move. The one you know after they leave your house after a bad fight, it will not be the last time you see them. The sex is always good for the first week and then you are reminded of why you hate them. The one your current girl/boyfriend asks you to please stop talking to and you say you do and then don't. What the fuck is this?
Nothing in life has confused me more then this elusive figure that dwells in almost every relationship. The one that is always trying to keep the door cracked for the possibility of something more when both of you know its not there. I'll be honest. I'm not even that jaded. I have been a lucky woman in my past relationships. Even my worst ex, still gave me something to be grateful for. I have in my life been accused of dropping the match a time or two. But it is necessary. If I have a relationship with someone I care about why would I want to inject my past one into that. I have enough friends. Is my ex's opinion really something I care about that much? Not to me. I have run into people with this problem of the "Ex". Why? Why does this exist. Maybe out of true love? Hmm. Maybe. Who knows. But my policy will always be this. If he or she has some sort of box or shrine to the ex-partner. Run. Don't even give it an explanation, just kindly grab your things and leave.
And if you are the one with the safety net (if you will), why are you wasting this other persons time?
That is the most confusing part to me, I suppose. If you can't let the person you have always been hung up with go, why try to drag someone else down with you. Because chances are you current partner doesn't see how great this other person is. So be kind and let it go. And if not keep your sad masochist behaviors to yourself.
It's taken me the majority of my life to realize the view from the moral high ground is the most beautiful and fulfilling one that you can have experienced in your life. With that being said, the hike to this destination is not an easy one. Nothing comes without a price. Making choices that coincide with you having to make sacrifices to make others that are or were important to you feel valued and honored is so gratifying, that it wont make you regret not sleeping with your ex-partners best friend, just to feel better about the break up. Being able to look back and say, I did the best I could to make you feel like everything we shared was special to me, is a great feeling.
And all of my best relationships have come from new settings. I don't know if I have ever met one person who has said to me, " Jeez this 4th time around has really been just a whirlwind of amazing new experiences and qualities. I'm just learning so much about myself and nothing is predictable in the slightest".
As I look forward to new horizons in my coming life, I hope I continue to go without a safety net. I hope I continue giving my future partners the chance they deserve without running interference with someone from my past. I think other people would do kindly to do the same. But that's just me.