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I'm not here to inspire doubt, only to provoke thought.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Beginning

The beginning. Strange idea that is all has a beginning. Even the end has a beginning.
Remember when you were with the person your with right now and it was the beginning of the two of you. Every conversation was interesting and sex was like it was lite on fire. Then there came the beginning of the end. The phone calls stopped as frequently, the time together became less valued. Physical attraction takes a dive. The beginning. I miss the beginning of everything.
Now I am on a new beginning and I feel that maybe the world is too. I feel it changing all around me. I am trying to embrace it. I find this difficult. I am an angry person and this allows me to complete tasks that the other average content person could not. I wonder if this is a advantage or an actual weakness. I have a friend who is a pastor who tells me it is ok to be weak, it will take me about 10 years to see this as fact. The thought makes my stomach churn. It makes me want to get sick. The thought of being vulnerable literally makes me physically ill and my brain refuses its messages. Is the holy man right? I cant be sure. But as these sutures hold together my wounds and slowly develop into scars. I wonder what lessons I will take with me to my new beginning.

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