I have recently discovered that in order to not come across as a complete piece o' shit you need to have some sort of direction. People enjoy talking to others who understand what they want and where they are going. The conversation I had with a close friend still haunts me, even today. We talked about the laundry list of accomplishments and traits that it would take to really have me appreciate a friend, colleague or even a lover. It was ridiculous the strenuous tasks that is would take for a person to even jump out at me. For instance, " Musically inclined, but athletic." No not impossible to find, but what kind of asshole am I to state that and think that is should be some sort of requirement on my poor needs list. It's the guy that didn't like football who first picked up the guitar pick, why take that away?
The idea of a nomad is attractive to a lot of us. We as people love and hate those who can do the things we can not, free spirits. But you can not depend on these people. Not one person that I have ever some across has mentioned a spontaneous person that will pop up occasionally in any sort of plan. I don't have one either. But I also don't have a plan.
When I was running the other day, trying to clear my head, it seemed as each step hit the cement and the shock ran up through my ankle to my knee and up my hip, the thoughts in my head just seemed to get more and more mixed up. There wasn't peace here anymore. It was the running that made me realize this, but it was the lack of drive in a thought. I can't stop and focus on one movement or idea. I get unsatisfied and move on quickly. I need a plan I can stick to. I need someone to hand me there laundry list and have me try to impress them.