My photo
I'm not here to inspire doubt, only to provoke thought.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Christmas Party.

I set my coat on the hooks that hung in the small room.I hope I don't drink to much and forget my jacket. I do that all the time. I mean not at Christmas parties, just in general. I forget shit, a lot when I drink. And lord knows I don't want to come back.

The hellos are said and the side kisses given. I am introduced to the same people year after and yet it's the same strange handshake and confused squint of the eyes, headed tilted slightly to the side as if they were pretending to search for the name.

It's ok. I don't care about you either. Glad we shared this moment.

Then I saw him. Standing with a beer in his hand. Dark sweater, something his mother probably asked him to wear. So sexy. I have this thing I do when I'm bored. If there is anyone in near view I find remotely attractive at the first glance I imagine them naked immediately. Even women. It's just what I do. I'm bored a lot.

I see my mother, she scurries over grabbing by the arm and walking me around the house gossiping and being genuinely very intrigued by the evening. I was always so curious as to how she can always be entertained by these people. None the less she is. I keep him in view as often as I can for this little venture I look over and see my sister, she gives me a sympathetic look and then dodges the bullet by walking the opposite direction. Bitch. I'll live I supposed as soon as I can make it over to the little close, I can smell the whiskey. So close. I come to when I realize that we are nearing this attractive stranger in the dark sweater that is gorgeous naked. I think. My mother mentions that it is so and so son and that he is now working for his father doing something I am sure is interesting. She releases when she sees someone a little more likely to know what she has been gabbing on and on about for the past twenty minutes. I go to the bar. I am singing a little song in my goes whiskey so good to me, get through tonight, and I'll have some more tomorrow night! It's a shitty song, but its nice in my head. I pour some sweet Crown in the glass packed with ice and a splash of water and wallah! It's the holidays!

I'm bored again. And just saw somebody naked that I really hoped I could erase. That's what happens 3 whiskey waters deep and sisters with kids. Lame.

"What are you drinking?" I look behind me. Yes! Dark sweater guy. Where have you been?

"Whiskey water," I said. Am I slurring? Who cares.
"Would you care for another?" He asks. I'm not sure if he is just being polite or if he is trying to get me drunk enough to go to the coat closet. Either way. I'm game.
"Why yes good sir, I would like another." I say in my worst English accent. That's another thing I do when I'm bored. Well bored and drunk.

He comes back with my drink. We chat. His name is Michael he going to Oregon State to be a doctor. He plays golf, but put himself through the first 4 semesters running track. He had a long term girlfriend, but they broke up because he hasn't purposed yet and she wanted more. Blah, blah, blah. He was
funny, sexy and single. Hmmm. Gay perhaps?

"Well a little about me I suppose...I graduated with a psychology degree I'm current working as a bartender, because I guess I missed the part where nobody gives a shit about philosophy or psychology, I can't bring myself to get my masters to do anything worth a damn so I am saving up to travel the world. I left my high school sweetheart, because I realized I hate him and imagine every word that comes out of his mouth feels like it contradicts my very existence. I come to this Christmas party every year to make my mother happy. And I find you very physically attractive."

"Oh and my name is Alice."

I try to read his face, but then realize I have one eye shut. Damn. Such a lush. To my surprise he starts laughing. Really hard.
"Are you for real? Do you really say things like that to strangers?" Michael asks me in between laughs.
"Well yeah. I guess I do." That's my reply, as I eyeball my empty glass.
"I like it. You don't find that much in the medical program." He says still laughing standing up and grabs my drink. He walks over to the bar and pours me another. Good man.
He comes back over and just looks at me. Yes! I know this look, I know it, I don't care how long it's been! I know this look!
Moments later the good little doctor/track star isn't so polite. We walk back to the coat area and its too congested. We find the only other unlocked door. The gym...hmm. I suppose there is a time for everything. For lack of detail I can only say we made use of every machine, bench, mat and despite my already dehydrated state, the sauna.

Shortly after we pull ourselves together and join the party. He also discloses that he is not working for his Dad and after the Christmas break will indeed be going back to Oregon. Wonderful. No chance of anything coming of this exciting little venture.
Disappointed, yes. Someone to Facebook stalk for the next six months to pass time, yes. I'll take it.

All in all, this was to be deemed the second best Christmas party I have ever been forced to come to.

1 comment:

  1. Now this story I thought was the funniest. I just might read this one every Christmas.