You're just starting to figure it out. You're looking around at certain situations and people, and realizing you might be ready for something different. You're changing and growing. This is the time were you will witness the ones who will stay in what they know, stay comfortable and stay stagnent verses the ones who will split away from what they know, the parties they are always at, the people they always associate with to find a better way. A more exciting way, with passion and the thrill of the unknown.
You will start beginning to truly understand people. You will understand what they are saying merrily by wether they can look in your eye or they way the dodge you glance or touch. You start to understand motives in people. Some will lift you up and inspire you to be better and some will always surprise you with the level of indifference toward their fellow man.
You will hurt people, you will make mistakes. People will hurt you, and they are allowed to make mistakes. The difference now is,the mistakes you make can impact you for longer then you would imagine. People are quicker to leave, and more then ever, you will see the injustice of actions.
You will see just how cowardly some people can be, even yourself. As adult they call it the name of "saving face", if I have raised you well my dear, I hope this fraise never means anything to you. I hope in your coming of years you never feel shame for saying how you feel, though others find it in poor taste.
Should you be able to waid curiously and safely though the years of exposure to drugs and alcohol, I hope that would have found the light and intimacy, these things have to offer. Now I trust you know more then ever, that mood enhances if you will, are merely a false imations of the time you are having. You at this point are starting to see the difference in people enhancing and depending. It's awaking and sad, but it's starting to set in.
More importantly don't be afraid to be afraid. Afraid of the unknown and taking risks. At this point my lovely, you have figured out by now, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. If you let fear dictact your actions you will truly fall by the wayside and get by. Now is the time to be forth coming and risky. Let's face it, though you try to party like Drake on spring break, you don't have shit to lose. So go and just keep going. You find it.
Getting your shit together is both wonderful and a little sad at the same time. Closing the doors on people, things and situations you used to love being apart of is terrifying. Embrace the new though, remember how you felt looking at the 35 year old guy at college bar? Remember that feeling, it comes faster then you think. The new drug,is starting to wake up before noon on Saturday and the person your sleeping with hopefully means something to you.
Just know too that you are loved and supported and everyone at the time is starting to look around as well, and the ones that are not, are maybe the ones you should be looking at. You have a few more years to really get things going, so figure it out. Drink some coffee, smoke a cigarette, then quit for good, because the shit sucks. Like really sucks, even if it super fun and social. It sucks.
And remember, you're almost there.
Your Mother at 25